Journey to the Cross
After Satan attacked me, I began hearing the voice of the Lord, even when I was not having a vision. It was not audible, but more like He was speaking to my inner being and affirming His words through scripture, which He would use to teach and guide me.
I was fearful of having another vision, for I had become quite ill from the vision of Satan attacking me. Many days passed before I felt physically, mentally or spiritually able to seek the Lord out again in deep prayer and meditation.
The Lord sent me comfort through His voice, His Word and through other men of God, and by so doing He emboldened my spirit to seek Him out again. I prepared myself and held the word of the Lord upon my chest as I came to seek Him.
I did all that the Lord had commanded me, out of fear of another attack. I cried out to the Lord, said His prayer, and asked for Michael to be sent upon Michael. I read and meditated upon Psalm Sixty-One, Hebrews Three and Hebrews Eleven as the Lord had commanded me.
I sat in silence for quite some time and it seemed as if nothing was going to happen.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord say unto me, “You must shut down your mind Michael and turn off your worldly thoughts. Look out into the darkness and you will find me, as I am to be found in the Spirit. Your mind cannot lead you to where I am to be found. Put away your fear and know that I am with you and have heard you.”
I asked the Lord, “Lord, how do I do this thing you have commanded me? How do I shut down my mind and find you in the darkness? How is it possible for a man to clear his mind and thoughts of emotion?”
The Lord then answered unto me and said, “It is not possible with man, but all is possible with God. Focus on that which made it possible for man and God to meet each other. Only there, will you find the peace you seek, for it is not possible for the mind of man to fully comprehend that moment of time and what took place there. Only the Holy Spirit of God working within you can reveal this and give you true peace in order to approach me.”
I instantly understood that He was referring to the crucifixion of my Lord and Savior and the Cross at Calvary. I then looked out into the darkness with focus and steeled my mind. As I lay in silence and quietness, gazing out into nothingness, I began to see light - and before me appeared three crosses sitting upon a hill.
I looked around me and I was standing on a road that was made up of dirt and broken stones. The road traveled up the hill and I again saw the three crosses, with the middle Cross being almost directly in front of me.
I turned and saw the holy city of Jerusalem directly behind me. The large city gates were shut, and the city seemed eerily quiet. I did not attempt to approach or enter the city, but instead I began to walk towards the hill and the crosses that stood before me. As I walked along, I saw dry, parched land and mountains in the distance beyond the road in front of me.
I drew near the foot of the hill, and a dark forest began to materialize. I became encircled and found myself entangled in heavy vines. I was again dressed in white and shielded with silver armor, armed with the golden sword and dagger at my sides as I had been on the path with the Lord in my first vision.
I drew the sword and began to slice through the vines that entangled me. Once freed, I again began to move up the hill and toward the Cross.
Then a voice called out my name and said to me, “So Michael, you have decided to be my enemy and align yourself with the Lord, have you?”
I immediately recognized the voice and fear shot through me, as I knew it was the voice of the evil one! I thought to myself, “This time he will kill me.” I began to regret my decision to seek the Lord out in this way again.
I looked around to try and find the voice, and there in front of me was a small boulder set in the ground along the path - and Satan was squatting on top of it. The area surrounding him was cleared of forest and vines and I could clearly see him. He was sitting crouched on top of the boulder as would a lion observing their prey.
He had a different presence this time, appearing in the form of a man as before, but not as dominating. He was wearing dark clothing, with his hands and fingers decorated in jewelry. He appeared much more cunning - as opposed to powerful.
The spirit of the Lord compelled me forward. I had no other path to take but to walk right past him, so I proceeded forth. I decided very quickly that should just try to ignore him, and neither answer him nor look upon him again.
As I continued my walk, I began to hear ominous voices from within the forest in all directions around me. They were making strange sounds, as if many were crying out loud and it taunted me in my spirit.
I gazed into the forest and began seeing dark shadows moving throughout it. The shadows darted in and out of the trees, as would the shadow of birds at the top of a sunlit forest. They were larger and much more ominous in nature however, and no sun was shining.
I looked at the sword and dagger that I was carrying, and I lifted them up and held them before me. Some instinct was driving me, and I was on full alert, as a warrior preparing himself for an attack.
I glanced over to locate Satan - who had not moved and was smiling at me with an evil grin.
Out of nowhere, there stood before me an evil spirit or demon, and it lunged at me, nearly taking me off my feet.
I swung the sword across its midsection, and it leaned forward and screamed. I then took the dagger and sliced it across its throat, and it fell to the ground.
I stood over it and then it faded to mist, floating back into the dark forest from which it had come. I looked up and Satan was standing directly in front of me. He began to clap his hands together, as if applauding me.
He then said unto me, “Well done, for I did not expect you to do so well. You should be proud as you did not hesitate to slay my servant and send him back to the abyss from which I summoned him.”
I turned away from him and began walking toward the crosses. As I was walking, Satan walked up beside me and began to taunt me.
He said unto me, “The Lord you are going to worship, as you can see, did not destroy me. Have you never asked yourself why?
His life and the lives of His followers are ones of great suffering, allegedly because of me, for the words He has spoken testify to this. I am still curious as to why you would follow this God.
Is it not true that you desire to be strong, powerful and wealthy, and have all the things this world has to offer? Does not all of mankind? For this is how you were created, was it not?
Tell me if I do not speak truth or how it is that I deceive you? Those who seek to ignore and put off such longings, fight against their very nature. They spend all the days of their futile life in suffering, desiring to have what they have been commanded to set aside and deny. Then their life leaves them, and they are told that if they did not obey, only worse suffering awaits them.
Why did God not remove those desires from you, if He is the God of love that you see Him as being?”
I desired to answer but I did not contain the wisdom to challenge his questions, and I felt the spirit guiding me to be silent and to ignore him.
To speak with him at all was to give him power, this I had come to realize.
I drew closer to the hilltop where the crosses stood and there appeared a great wall of light. The wall encircled the top of the hill and I began to see thousands upon thousands of angels of light, with Michael standing at the end of the path.
Satan said unto me, “You remain silent, for you cannot answer the questions as you know not the answers. You follow what you do not see or understand and ignore that which is so obvious, believing it is wisdom.
This is where you and I part company, but I am looking forward to our next visit.”
He then vanished and the dark forest with him, and a bright sun began to shine.
I stood at the entrance of the circle of angels and faced Michael. He clearly recognized me, and I felt a bond with him that I cannot explain. He was gentler in nature compared to the other times I had seen him. He slowly stepped aside and pointed me forward, granting me access to the hilltop.
I then saw the Lord Jesus Christ, hanging from the Cross without life, and I wept as I entered the area sealed off by the angels from the ground to the Heavens.
My armor and swords were no longer with me and I was wearing only a long white robe, standing before the Lord, watching His blood pour down His body.
In front of the Cross His blood was spread out across the ground. His Cross was made of light-colored wood, while the other two crosses glowed white.
I wept bitterly and bowed down on my knees before Him. His body was badly beaten, and His arms appeared torn apart and limp. His face was bruised and cut, and a crown of thorns was embedded into His skin. One thorn sank into His left eyelid and His blood poured down His mouth and chin onto His chest.
His head was leaning over to the left and the weight of His body brought His knees out. His palms were pierced with nails and His feet were crossed over one another with a large nail driven through the top of them. Out of His right side, just under the pit of His arm, was a huge tear with blood pouring down His body onto His right leg.
I crawled to the foot of the Cross, weeping as I came forward, and could not contain my sorrow at what I was seeing.
I gathered up His spilled blood mixed with dust and poured it on my head. I sat up on my knees and kissed His feet, which were blue, torn and covered with blood. I bowed my head to the dirt at the base of the Cross. His blood dripped down upon my head, and I wailed uncontrollably.
I cried out in a loud voice, “Look at what they did to you, Lord! Why would they do such a terrible thing?”
Anger at myself ran through me, because I knew the answer to my question. I knew it was my sin that brought this agony upon Him - and the shame was so unbearable that I wanted to throw myself off the hillside.